For the Love of Nargles Part V
by The Golden Duo 22
Summary: RemusHermioneSirius - When Remus and Hermione wake up in bed without Sirius, they immediately investigate. What they find surprises both of them, but inevitably solves the mysterious scratching for good. Final Instalment! Part 5 of 5.


_**Author's Note:**__ We have had a couple of fairly unproductive months, due to our mutual lack of motivation as well as general RL issues that tend to get in the way of our writing. We do apologize, and hope that you enjoy the LAST instalment of our Nargles series. Yes, ladies and gents, this is the LAST instalment and NO, we do not plan on adding any more instalments._

_Did we mention this was the LAST __instalment? Yes? Good. Just checking._

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We can't even begin to say how much we owe our beautiful, stunning, intelligent, wonderful, stupendous beta. Helen, we dedicate this final installment to you, to congratulate on your recent graduation. Such a momentous occasion deserves some momentous smut, lol. Welcome to the Real World, dearest!**  
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Summary:**__ When Remus and Hermione wake up in bed without Sirius, they immediately investigate. What they find surprises both of them, but inevitably solves the mysterious scratching for good._

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For the Love of Nargles – Part V**

Hermione felt something tickling her nose, and she snuffled slightly as she was once more ripped from the heavenly sleep that suddenly seemed so elusive. It seemed almost unfair that in the course of 72 hours she had only managed to catch a few hours of actual, fulfilling sleep. While she had to admit that there were some pretty significant perks to the sleeplessness, she was nonetheless starting to become aware that she had work in the morning – something that would be infinitely more difficult to get through while sleep-deprived.

Opening her eyes to figure out what soft, albeit annoying, thing had tickled her nose, she found herself face-to-face with the tranquil, slightly-weathered face of her werewolf lover. It had been a lock of his soft, sandy-brown hair that had drawn her from her sleep, and she had to smile as she saw the offending lock fall over his forehead and sit boyishly over his closed eyes. Though he exuded a fierce sexuality when they made love, Remus was the picture of docility while sleeping. And while she cherished – and even craved – the rough, wild abandon with which he fucked her, she also appreciated him in those quiet moments as he rested his weary body in the land of dreams where his curse could not touch him.

Flipping over to admire her other lover, she was somewhat surprised to find him absent from the bed. Frowning slightly, Hermione sat up, wondering if he hadn't been able to sleep and was lurking somewhere in the room reading a book or brooding with a glass of firewhisky. The room, however, was empty save for her and Remus, and her brow knitted even tighter as she realized that he must have ventured into the perilous hallway.

She hated to think what the problematic pixies would do to him in his sleepy state.

"Remus," she whispered, lighting her wand and waving it near his face. His nose scrunched up and he frowned, but didn't wake up.

"Remus," she huffed, getting slightly annoyed at his lack of response. She poked him hard in the shoulder with the tip of her wand; all he did was mumble something about five more minutes.

Rolling her eyes and becoming increasingly irritated from her lack of sleep, she tried one last time:

"Remus! Wake up!"

The werewolf snuffled and just when she thought she was actually going to have to hex him awake, his arm shot out and she found herself being dragged up against his warm body. His slightly-scarred arm slung across her waist, his hand snaking up to grope her bare breast. He threw a leg over her thighs, effectively trapping her beneath him.

"Sleep," he mumbled into her ear, rubbing his nose further into her unruly curls, finding a comfortable position.

Hermione's frustration was paused as she giggled, realizing that she had been in this exact situation before, only days earlier, with her other lover. She smirked at how alike Sirius and Remus were, despite the obvious differences in personality and character. Under it all, they were both Marauders, they were both hot-blooded men, and they both liked their sleep left undisturbed.

"Remus," Hermione purred in his ear, letting her teeth nibble at his earlobe. "Wake up, please."

He drew her closer to him, but she could feel the effects of her ministrations against her thigh.

"Hmm…as much as I would love to take care of this," she whispered, letting her hand drift down to his budding erection and giving it a playful squeeze, "There are things that need to get done first."

"Like what?" he growled, nuzzling his face into her neck and starting to drop soft, hot kisses on her collarbone.

"Like the fact that Sirius is missing," she said.

"Good. More for me," he mumbled, his fingers plucking at her hardening nipples.

She giggled and wriggled away from him.

"Wouldn't you rather take me when my full attention is on you, and not on the location of your best friend?" she asked coyly when he made to draw her back to his body.

He groaned.

"More trouble than he's worth," he mumbled, but sat up, making a quick sweep of the room through his sleep-filled haze before looking at her, a lock of his hair falling adorably over his eyes. "Where is he?"

She put her hands on her hips.

"If I knew that, Remus, I wouldn't have woken you up," she said matter-of-factly, only to giggle once more as he pounced on her, tickling her sides.

"Cheeky little witch," he said, kissing her deeply before reluctantly pulling away. "Alright, let's go find the wayward one."

Just as they were disentangling themselves from each other, they heard a 'thump' outside the door, followed by a loud curse that could only have been shouted by the raven-haired pureblood master of the house. Remus leapt from the bed, grabbing his boxers in the process while Hermione threw on Sirius's discarded dress shirt. Wands at the ready, they threw open the door of the library.

Their jaws dropped at the sight before them.

Scattered along the floor were the stunned forms of dozens of pixies, their bright blue bodies frozen in various poses. Hermione tried to ignore Crookshanks, whose glittering eyes were fixed on a petrified pixie holding the homage to Betty the Boa Constrictor aloft in statuesque stillness.

The sheer number of pixies laying motionless on the floor, however, didn't surprise them.

What did surprise them was Sirius.

The man looked positively livid, standing in nothing but his black silk boxers, his wand trained before him with malicious intent in his eyes. The supposed subject of his malcontent – his mother's portrait – seemed just as resolute in her anger but for the first time in the years that Hermione and Remus had known and experienced the painting, the woman was deathly silent.

"What the hell is…" Remus started but Sirius cut him off as his wand shook slightly in his outstretched hand.

"I wanted to come out here and talk to you like an adult," he was saying. "But if you insist on insulting me and the people I love I'm going to have to take drastic measures!"

"Is…is he talking to his mother?" Hermione asked Remus, though the man beside her seemed equally as bewildered by their lover's behaviour.

"You are a shame to the name of Black! Your presence is a blight upon the honour this family has carried for generations! Your lasciviousness sullies the very ancestry…"

"Maybe if you had had some lasciviousness in your life, you wouldn't act like you have such a large stick shoved up your arse, Mother!" Sirius shouted.

"How _dare_ you?! You cannot say such things to me!"

"I wish you'd burn in Hell, you waste of paint and canvas!"

"You dare to speak to me that way? While you're in here gallivanting with Mudbloods and werewolves…"

Hermione and Remus both cringed as an angry red jet of light flew from Sirius's wand and hit his mother's face. The woman let out a blood-curdling scream of fury, casting around for her own wand but finding it unavailable against the assault her son was performing upon her. The two spectators exchanged another glance, certain that Sirius was slowly going insane.

"Er…Sirius?" Remus said tentatively.

"Yes, Moony?" Sirius replied with an off-putting amount of calm in his tone.

"I hate to tell you this, but…um…portraits can't _feel_ anything."

"I know," Sirius replied, his grey eyes taking on a slightly-manic spark. "Mother and I are just going through a bit of family therapy."

"Sirius," Hermione said, frowning as she watched her lover advance on the portrait of his long dead mother. "Far be it for me to interfere in your family relationships, but I don't think this is entirely healthy."

"I suppose not," Sirius said, his eyes still glued to his mother in front of him, "However, I had an epiphany of sorts tonight."

"An epiphany…that involved your mother?" Hermione asked slowly, wondering what could have possibly transpired in Sirius's brain to draw any type of connection to the woman whose sole positive trait was birthing one of the most gorgeous wizards known to the world.

"Yes. I had a thought after our shower and it festered a bit, so I decided to talk to her."

Hermione blanched.

"You thought of your mother after we…"

"No, darling, the two are mutually exclusive," Sirius assured, sparing a comforting glance at his lover before turning back to glare at the portrait. "Not that it matters, as she's decided to be thoroughly unreasonable."

"I..._unreasonable_?!" Mrs. Black spluttered. "You come to me with some absurd mumbo-jumbo and _I'm_ the one being unreasonable?!"

"Sirius," Remus said mildly, inching his way over to his friend with his eyes trained on the pureblood's outstretched wand. "Perhaps you could…er…fill us in on your epiphany?"

"Yes, I'm quite eager to hear about what popped into your mind after having shower sex with me," Hermione said wryly, crossing her arms indignantly as she watched him. The lack of sleep they had all endured over the past 72 hours was not doing any of them any favours in terms of their tempers, but she was slowly starting to believe that it was affecting Sirius's admittedly-tenuous sanity as well.

"Hermione, I hardly think now is the time to be harping on the inner workings of Sirius's mental processes," Remus warned the bristling witch, smiling slightly to himself as a lovely shade of pink crossed over her face as she tried to keep her anger in check.

"Fine. Sirius, what was this epiphany of yours, then?" she asked.

"I had a thought that Mother had been unnervingly quiet during the whole pixie palaver, and I wondered how she could possibly sleep through that ruckus. Then I realized something: she knows everything that goes on in this house. She made sure of it before she died – some sort of _homenum revelio_ but for all beings in the house. It was how she knew you were Muggleborn, or that Remus has that furry little problem of his. So I figured I would come out here and try to calmly explain the situation and ask her where the Nargles are—"

"_There's no such thing as Nargles!_" both Hermione and Mrs. Black said angrily, both looking at the other in shock when they realized they had said the exact same thing at the exact same time.

Remus smiled slightly.

"You know, had the whole blood feud and wizarding wars never occurred, I think she may have liked you," he mused to Hermione, to which Sirius nodded silently in agreement.

"Excuse me?" Hermione said, looking disbelievingly from one lover to the other.

"What?!" Mrs. Black shrieked, the curtains around her portrait ruffling a little.

"Well... you're intelligent, and beautiful and talented. That's always counted for a lot in pureblood families," Remus explained, taking a step closer until their hips bumped. He smiled at her flushed face and brushed an errant curl from her cheek.

Sirius cleared his throat and fixed the two of them with a long look, his wand still trained on his mother in silent threat as his look told his two lovers that – while he didn't mind the public displays of affection – they shouldn't interrupt him while he was chronicling his journey to enlightenment and eventual standoff with a portrait.

"Sorry," Hermione said, blushing slightly as she felt the hatred of Mrs. Black's eyes on her. "Continue, please."

"Well, as I said, I tried to calmly explain the situation and I asked her nicely where the Nargles were, but she started saying that my presence in the house was a disgrace, that this was punishment for my years of treachery…so on and so forth. Then she started insulting you two and the pixies had me surrounded and one thing led to another and now…here you see me."

He heaved a sigh and looked back up at his mother, his grey eyes full of challenge.

Remus and Hermione exchanged a look.

"Um…right. Well, if that's all then, we'll leave you two to bond," Remus said, looping his arm around Hermione's waist and starting to steer her back to the library.

"How could you allow such filth into this great and noble house?" Mrs. Black sneered at Sirius, effectively stopping Remus and Hermione in their tracks. "Werewolves and Mudbloods…if your father could see the desecration…"

"I would be _very_ careful of your next words if I were you," Sirius growled, his wand so close that Hermione say the portrait flinch involuntarily. "You are insulting my best friend and the woman we love, so I need you to…"

"Love?" Hermione said sharply, and she saw Sirius tense.

There was silence for a long moment before Remus let out a sigh.

"I suppose…well, at least from _my_ side, Hermione…yes. Love. I love you. Have for awhile now."

"Yeah, me too," Sirius said, momentarily forgetting his mother as he walked over to Hermione. "I know we had an arrangement before this weekend – keep it casual and all – but the truth is…I couldn't even think of being with anyone else right now."

Hermione remained silent for a moment. Considering the events of the weekend – elusive scratching, Luna's ridiculous quest for Nargles, Fred and George letting loose a pack of precocious pixies, Ginny and the twins' unceremonious unveiling of her highly-unusual romantic situation, and Sirius's inexplicable need to commune with his horrific mother – Hermione was only moderately certain that she wouldn't wake up and find herself alone in her room having dreamt it all. From the looks of growing concern on her lovers' faces, however, there was a very real quality about their situation that she was only starting to come to terms with.

"You don't have to say anything back, love," Remus assured her, though she thought she saw a mild disappointment in his eyes. "I know we've thrown this at you…"

"I do too," she said quickly, blinking rapidly to avoid letting the tears that were welling in her eyes fall down her cheek. "I love you too. Both of you. Considering what we've gone through…Merlin, it would be insanity not to be absolutely head-over-heels in love with you two."

The grins that spread over both their faces made her heart melt.

Having all but forgotten his mother's presence, Sirius drew Hermione to him, letting Remus move behind her and wrap his arms around her waist while Sirius's fingers wove through the strands of unruly curls atop the brilliant bookworm's head. When a treacherous tear slid down her cheek, the pureblood leaned in, kissing it away as Remus's embrace tightened, letting her body relax into his larger, stronger one as Sirius brushed his lips against hers. She gave a shuddering sigh and he repeated the touch again. Remus felt her shiver between them and began to nuzzle the side of her neck, making her almost purr with contentment.

Hermione felt safe and warm and completely loved standing there between the two older men, one of them laying hot, open mouthed kisses along her throat, the other moulding and shaping her mouth until her lips tingled from the need to kiss him properly. As if sensing her impatience, Sirius deepened the kiss, groaning when she pressed herself even closer, moaning her pleasure against him. The kiss went on and on, until she pulled back, struggling to catch her breath, her hand on his chest as he moved forward again.

Turning her around to face her other lover, Sirius only relinquished his hold on her for a moment before he went back to cupping her hips, his fingers tracing circles that crept closer and closer to the aching apex of her thighs. Remus looked down at her, the heavy fall of his hair covering the worst of his scars and falling into the amber eyes that stared at her with arousal and what she now recognised as love. Reaching her hand up, she traced his strong jaw, and he turned his head to nuzzle her hand, he kissed her palm softly.

She gave a soft smile and reached up on her toes to kiss him. He met her halfway, his soft lips demanding, coaxing every sigh and moan from her. Hermione could have gone on kissing him forever, the feel of him beneath her touch and of Sirius's quiet presence behind her like nothing she had ever felt before her weekend with them.

The shirt she had thrown on in her haste to rescue her lover being tugged up her thighs was what finally drew her away from Remus's intoxicating kiss.

"Sirius," she moaned, her voice husky with need.

"Yes love?" he mumbled, one hand still inching the cloth higher, the other hand tugging at the top buttons, exposing her breasts to the cold air, inch by sinful inch.

"Shouldn't we take this upstairs?" Remus commented, but his hands were already replacing Sirius's, unbuttoning the rest of her shirt.

"I don't know, the stairs themselves are looking pretty good right now," the pureblood chuckled, and Hermione was left in a shivering mess as his fingers traced the hollow of her hip, getting closer and closer to where she needed him most.

"What do you think, love? The stairs? Or the nice comfortable bed?" Remus breathed, dipping his head down to lick between her breasts.

"_Please_," she moaned, her hands going to the back of his head, keeping him there as he found one rosy nipple amongst the cloth.

"The lady has spoken," Sirius shrugged, stepping back from her enough to slowly lower the shirt down her shoulders. She was forced to release her death grip on Remus's hair so that the shirt could fall to the floor, but as soon as she stood naked between them, her hands went straight back to their demanding tugging.

Hermione's head dropped back with pleasure, resting against Sirius's chest as his fingers played closer and closer, making her gyrate her hips in silent supplication. Her eyes fluttered and her breath hitched when his whole hand curved to cup her heat, and she caught his grinning face staring down at her moments before her vision blurred and he was kissing her again.

The combination of Remus's talented tongue, Sirius's gentle pressure and the overwhelming talent of his lips while kissing her soon made her mindless with pleasure. She barely noticed the exchange between the two men until she felt herself lifted off the ground, her legs automatically coming up to wrap around Remus's hips, her hands flailing until they rested on his shoulders. Sirius let go of her and the three of them moved toward the stairs where she thought for a moment they would be going back up to bed.

When Sirius stopped mid-flight, she knew they had other plans. The grinning man gave her a lecherous wink a moments before Remus let her drop to her feet on the next step down. Sirius sat down, held out one hand and tugged her between his thighs, distracting her with kisses while Remus knelt a few steps down from her. She moaned again when she felt hands smooth down the line of her back, across her arse and down the backs of her thighs before returning to her core.

Remus's fingers wasted no time finding her wet heat, her body shuddering under his probing touch. She leant more into Sirius's touch the more aroused she became and as one long digit entered her she had to pull back to cry out in pleasure. She felt lips on her lower back before a slow pumping rhythm rendered her mindless once more.

Sirius shifting from under her bought her attention back to the dark haired man, and she watched him with a frown as he pulled himself up another few steps. It wasn't until she came face to face with his straining erection that she understood completely just how useful the stairs could be in this type of situation. Gazing up at his eager face, she let go of the claret carpet runner beneath her and reached up to grip his length, her fist giving an involuntary squeeze when she felt Remus's mouth move lower down her spine. Sirius cried out beneath her, his hips bucking as she followed the same slow thrust and pull that was happening between her legs.

"Oh God, Remus," she gasped when he added a second finger, changing the angle and hitting a spot deep within her.

Remus repeated the move and she thrust her hips back into him, her grip tightening once more around Sirius, setting off a chain reaction of moans. But there was a deep hunger within her now. For three days, she had been at the mercy of these two men, made love to over and over and over again by one or the other. But now, as she stood between them, grasping one and arching into another, she knew that it was her turn to make the demands.

Glancing up at Sirius, her hand still wrapped around his hard member, she grinned mischievously at him, her face flushed as Remus's talented fingers worked their magic.

"Merlin, you're stunning, 'Mione," Sirius whispered as he gazed into those whisky-coloured eyes, running a hand over her cheek and cupping her chin, moving forward to kiss her. She pulled back, releasing her grip on him as she moved her lower body away from Remus until she was leaning against the banister of the stairs. On her left sat Sirius, looking up at her quizzically, unfazed by the fact that he was sitting quite naked in the middle of the stairs of his childhood home. Remus was kneeling to her right, his amber eyes solemn yet hungry as his gaze flicked over her bare form.

"For three days," she whispered, "I have fulfilled all manner of fantasies for you two gentlemen. And believe me, I am not complaining in the slightest, but I think it's my turn."

Her eyes danced with a familiar spark and Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"What type of fantasy?" he asked warily, knowing that this was not the type of conversation he wanted while sitting with his dick at attention in front of the woman he loved and the man he shared her with. He would have preferred the type of conversation that didn't actually include words so much as actions, but clearly the brilliant bookworm had other ideas.

"Oh, it's nothing too horrible…and you don't even have to leave the stairs," she teased.

"I suppose that's a good thing," Remus muttered, his own erection causing an impressive-looking tent in his boxers.

Hermione licked her lips.

"Sirius, you know that thing you've always wanted to do to me but I wouldn't let you?" she said sweetly, scooting up a step towards the man and gently pushing a strand of his hair out of his face.

The pureblood blinked.

"You mean…?"

"Yes."

"And I can…?"

"Yes."

"While Remus is…?"

"Yes."

His eyes lit up and Hermione chuckled as he pulled her down onto his lap and kissed her deeply.

"Um…"

Hermione pulled away to see Remus shifting uncomfortably behind them.

"Should I just…go?" he asked, though his face couldn't possibly have looked more disappointed and Hermione would have laughed were she not heart-warmed by his mild distress.

"Don't be silly," she said, getting up from Sirius's lap and taking a step down towards him. Involuntarily, his hands came to her hips and he looked up at her with his big amber eyes shining with love and desire.

"Well, if you could translate, I would be most appreciative," he said with a slight smile.

She bent down to his ear, knowing fully that she was leaning over in such a way that her arse was in perfect eye-line with Sirius, and she smiled as she heard the raven-haired man gasp behind her.

"I want you to fuck me from the front while Sirius fucks me from behind," she said, nipping his ear gently as she pulled away.

The way his eyes widened was almost comical.

"You want…_both_ of us?" he asked.

"Yes. And don't be insulted that I'm starting with Sirius from behind…he's just wanted it for so long I would hate to disappoint him."

Remus smiled slightly.

"I prefer taking you from the front," he said softly. "I get to kiss you more that way."

Once again, Hermione felt herself melt into the werewolf's arms as she leaned down and kissed him deeply. Sirius was behind her in seconds, his lips ghosting over her shoulders as she allowed the men to manoeuvre themselves into position.

Finding herself straddling Remus's now-seated hips, she smiled at the older man in front of her before turning and winking at the older man behind. Remus growled, gripping her hair with one hand to pull her to him in a fiery kiss and trailing his other hand down her body, sliding two fingers within her just to make sure that she was ready for them.

"Wait! I should go get…" Sirius started but Hermione grinned.

"Tangerine flavoured is in the pocket of the dress shirt," she said, pointing to the discarded piece of clothing that was infinitely closer to Sirius than the library.

"How did you manage to put the shirt on, grab your wand _and_ a bottle of lube all in the five seconds it took to get us from the bed to the hallway?" Remus asked with an amused smile as Sirius bounded down the stairs, shooting a victoriously smug grin to what seemed like an utterly speechless Mrs. Black.

Hermione pressed her body closer to his.

"I'm just talented," she breathed.

"That you are, my love," Sirius growled as he returned, his lips moving close to her ear as his hands trailed down her back.

"Lay back, darling," Hermione said to Remus, who followed her command obediently, squirming slightly to get comfortable on the stairs.

Lifting her hips, Hermione threw her head back as she slid down Remus's cock. The man below her gave a grunt as he entered her tight, wet body, and his hands went to her hips to help guide her. Sirius continued to place tiny kisses along her shoulder blade as his hands worked the muscles of her lower back, his fingers moving slowly further and further south.

Hermione watched Remus beneath her, her eyes fluttering closed every so often as Sirius's talented hands did funny things to her nerves behind her. She was tense with anticipation every time she felt him touch her, but one glance into Remus's eyes and she was excited and turned on all over again by the sheer thought of the three of them finally becoming one.

"Relax, love," Sirius whispered in her ear, and Remus pulled her down for a mind-bending kiss in order to relieve her of her treacherous thought process. And the whole time, the steady, achingly-pleasureful push-pull of Remus's hard cock inside her made her body quake with unspeakable desire. The talent these two men possessed was incredible, and she craved every inch of it.

She let out a deep moan when Remus reached between them, her whole body suddenly focussed on the fingers that gently manipulated her core, making her writhe and pulse with desire. Sirius took her deep sounds of approval as encouragement and finally applied the gentle pressure he had been working up to, his touch slow, his other hand soothing up and down her back.

The duel sensations made her shudder and drop her head to Remus's shoulder, her panting breaths loud on the staircase, her eyes squeezed shut against the onslaught of pleasure.

The man inside her slowed down his thrusts until he was merely rocking against her, not really thrusting, but making sure she knew exactly what was happening and what was about to happen. Sirius took the opportunity to apply the tangerine lubricant she had bought with her and she gasped as the cold shocked her achingly hot flesh.

It was like nothing she had ever experienced and the two men around her soothed and coaxed and moaned as her body slowly came alive, gradually accepting both of them the way she had always dreamed they would be. When she felt Sirius move up a step closer, his knees between both hers and Remus's, there was no tensing. Her body was ready.

In fact, it was aching for what she knew he could do to her.

A silent exchange happened over her head and she barely noticed as Remus's movements came to a complete stop and Sirius hunched over her back, finding the right position. He kissed her neck, shoulders and any other piece of flesh his mouth could capture, his hands smoothing down her hip as he pushed the blunt length of him against her.

"Fuck 'Mione, I love you," he whispered harshly against her neck, licking the shell of her ear, making her shiver again.

"Last chance," Remus whispered into her hair, turning his face into hers where she lay dazed and pulsing with arousal against him.

It was all Hermione could do to muster the brain power to shake her head, grinding her hips into his and making him groan, the movement also causing Sirius to let out a harsh breath of pleasure.

Remus tipped her chin once more and just as Sirius penetrated her she cried out into the other man's mouth. From there she was lost, working through the slightly awkward rhythm with soft cries and ending with deep screams of satisfaction as the two men who surrounded her found a comfortable pace.

When one pushed in, the other pulled out so that she never came down from the high; it was as if she was constantly full and satisfied. Her body was alight with tingles, her movements erratic between them and her words became unintelligible.

Her first orgasm hit her by surprise, the tightening of her stomach and the scalding heat that spread from every limb to her very core made her spine bow and her whole world become filled with light. It was like nothing she had ever felt before and for a moment she thought she would never breathe properly again; never stop seeing the tiny stars before her eyes.

The milking contractions gripped Remus's thrusting cock, making him throw back his head against the stairs with an echoing cry. Sirius's back bowed with hers as he clung to her like a lifeline, his harsh breath and pleasured moans seeming muffled against her ear.

Neither man really stopped moving, however, and instead pushed and rocked and thrust their way through her release, keeping the gentle pulses going and the sensitive nerve endings on edge. Hermione felt shaky and dizzy and more aroused than she had ever felt and as they continued to thrust into her, their bodies slick with perspiration, she wondered just how long such intense pleasure could last.

Hermione threw herself into their almost frenzied love making, their steady pace picking up with overwhelming force behind each thrust so that her body was rocked back and forth almost violently. She clung to Remus in front of her, her nails digging into his already marred flesh, her eyes opening enough to meet his.

He looked delirious with passion, his eyes having bled so dark with desire that she wondered if you could drown in such an intense gaze. His hand came up to tangle in her hair, forcing her to meet that gaze where she watched every emotion from wild passion to crippling vulnerability pass through. She watched those amber eyes roll back again and felt his angle shift beneath her, his thrusts hitting hard and high within her.

Sirius adjusted easily, using the small sounds from the two people beneath him – the two people he loved and cherished more than anybody else in the world – to judge just how close they all were to coming apart and giving in to that final release.

Hermione began to feel that creeping heat through her again, her aching body slowly giving in, unable to take much more of the passionate onslaught. She reached down and found Remus's hands, clasped to her waist, tugging at them until they had a death grip on each other's fingers. She pushed their hands above his head, using him as support as her body shuddered once more, and her upper body collapsed against his heaving chest with a low echoing keen, the sound letting them both know just how close she was.

Sirius reached around her, his hand caressing her hip bone before finding her tight bud of desire, wet with need and perspiration. He manipulated the flesh easily, never faltering in his thrusts as he felt her body give one sharp tug, which led to another, before her whole body went rigid.

She exploded in their arms, the pulses becoming contractions, her body bucking and writhing wildly as her sensitized flesh came apart and reformed into a puddle between them. She heard Sirius cry out first behind her, felt his fingers bite into her hips while he held her still against him, finding his release in her still undulating body.

Remus gave a jolt and a moan when he felt her teeth sink into his shoulder, muffling her almost sobbing pants and the pleasure and pain was enough to send him over the edge, his orgasm hitting him moments before Sirius gave a low moan and collapsed against the witch's back.

There was silence as the three panted and huffed against sweat-slicked skin, trying to catch their breath while willing their bodies to stop shaking at the intensity of such a naughty, forbidden act. Hermione hissed as Sirius wrapped his arms around her waist, his now-flaccid member slowly sliding from her body, causing a delicious burn before the cunning wizard healed her with a flick of his wand. Remus's hands, which had been pinned above his head by the bookworm, disentangled themselves from her grip to run gently through her mussed curls, tilting her head to face him and to kiss her tenderly while he traced her cheek with his thumb.

"I can't describe how much I love you right now, 'Mione," Sirius mumbled as he placed soft butterfly kisses against her back and shoulders. "But I suppose I should warn you: after sex like that, you're not allowed to leave me. Ever."

Hermione chuckled against Remus's chest as the werewolf cast his best friend a warning glance.

"Pads, don't threaten her," he said, though from the rough edge to his voice, Hermione was certain the same thought had been running through his brain too.

"Rest assured, gentlemen," she said, finding the strength to pull herself onto her hands and roll onto the stairs next to Remus. "I do not have any plans to leave either of you, ever."

"That's what you think!"

All three sat bolt upright as the large, booming voice of Mrs. Black sounded around them. None of them had heard the woman's voice carry so far, nor echo quite so loudly against the walls. Groaning, Remus let his head fall back against the steps again as Sirius hurled a hex towards the portrait.

The portrait, however, seemed to have had enough.

"You have sullied the name of Black for too long, Sirius Orion!" the screaming woman declared. "You have brought all manner of filth and refuse into the house of my fathers and now you desecrate it by…by…_fornicating_ with Mudbloods and werewolves! I shall not stand for it! I shall…"

"And what are you going to do, talk us to death?" Hermione interrupted, standing and charging down the stairs stark naked to stand defiantly in front of the flabbergasted portrait. "You've been bitching and moaning for so long that I'm starting to agree with Sirius. If your husband had just fucked you a few times you probably wouldn't be half as dreadful as you are now."

"Why…I…how _dare_ you…" stuttered the maniacal woman, but whether her fatigue had finally cracked her inhibitions or the amazingly intense encounter on the stairwell had stirred her courage, Hermione just brushed Mrs. Black's mutterings aside.

"Do you even remember what it feels like?" she asked. "Do you remember what it feels like to completely fall apart in the arms of the man you love? Or to hell with love, maybe just a guy you're ridiculously attracted to? Do you remember what it feels like to be fucked with wild abandon?"

If portraits could flush, Mrs. Black would have resembled a tomato.

"You insolent little…"

"Here's my theory," Hermione said, crossing her arms across her chest and ignoring the fact that her lovers were staring at her in wide-eyed shock just feet away. "_I_ think you're just jealous. From the moment we all arrived, there was always someone getting laid around you. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill and Fleur, Ron and Luna, Harry and Ginny, and eventually you just couldn't deal with the fact that you had to listen to everyone losing themselves in carnal pleasure that you decided to make it your life's mission to make us miserable. But you know what? I'm still here. And I'm still fucking your son. And I'm enjoying _every bloody minute_ of it."

Silence.

_Scratch.__ Scratch. Scratch._

"Oh sweet Merlin Circe Morgana on a totem pole, I have had _enough_ of this damn _scratching_!" Sirius roared, regaining the use of his vocal chords as he picked up his wand and bounded down the stairs – also stark naked – to join his lover in front of his portrait. Pointing his wand menacingly at the painting, he glared at his now-speechless relative.

"Mother," he said, his voice simmering with venomous rage as Remus came down to join them – though, having gained enough wherewithal to slip his boxers back on. "I'm going to give you to the count of _one_ to tell me what the hell has been making all this damn…"

"Pygmy puffs," the portrait said immediately.

All three blinked.

"I beg your pardon?" Remus asked.

"Pygmy puffs. The blood-traitor…I mean…the young Weasley twins left a few here and they've bred on their own."

Sirius slowly lowered his wand.

"Pygmy puffs? _That's_ what's been causing all this scratching? But if they've been here for years, why did the scratching just start?"

"I…er…believe they become quite active around this time of year, and unfortunately there has been some structural decay to the house so they move a bit more freely than they did before," Mrs. Black said, her thin lips pursed in mild disapproval at the clearly rambunctious mating activities of pygmy puffs.

"Do they have a nest?" Hermione asked.

"Yes."

Silence.

"Er…you couldn't by any chance tell us where it is, could you?" Remus asked warily.

"I could. On one condition."

Sirius raised his wand again.

"Do you _really_ think you're in a position to dictate terms?" he growled.

"Sirius, just listen," Hermione murmured, putting her hand on his and lowering his wand.

"Thank you, Mud…er…Miss Granger," Mrs. Black said, nodding demurely toward the bemused young witch. "My demands aren't so lofty, Sirius. I just ask that once I show you where the pygmy puffs are, you move my portrait to the location of my choosing."

Sirius narrowed his eyes.

"And how are we supposed to do that, then, eh? You've ensured that it can't be removed."

"I ensured that it couldn't be removed _against my wishes_," she clarified. "As this is at my request, you should have no problems."

"All we had to do was ask your bloody permission…"

"Sirius!" both Remus and Hermione hissed as the pureblood started to raise his wand again.

Sirius's nostrils flared as he kept his twitching wand hand down.

"Where are the pygmy puffs, mother," he growled.

Without another word, the portrait swung from the wall, revealing a cavernous enclave that had all three of them arching their eyebrows in wonderment. This momentary surprise, however, was nothing compared to the sudden influx of purple and pink balls of fluff that started to pour out of the wall by the hundreds. Crookshanks, his beady eyes set upon the first few as they hit the floor, yowled loudly before streaking up the stairs, cognizant of his disadvantageous position as sole cat to hundreds of bouncing, downy puffs.

"My goodness," Hermione cried as the puffs lined themselves neatly against the wall, as if for inspection. "How do they…"

"I suppose the Weasley twins' magic rubbed off," Remus said, watching with a small smile on his face as the puffs formed ranks. "Remember, they're completely obedient."

"More than I can say for the twins themselves," Sirius muttered, though his eyes were also fixed in fascination upon the puffs.

Within moments, the enclave was empty and Mrs. Black's portrait had swung back into place.

"What on earth are we going to do with them all?" Hermione exclaimed.

Identical, mischievous smiles formed on Remus and Sirius's face.

"Didn't George give you the key to their flat?" Remus asked her.

"In case of emergencies, I think he said," Sirius added.

"I don't suppose we should just pop over there," Remus mused.

"Make a _tiny_ incision into their wall," Sirius continued.

"And dumped the puffs inside?"

Hermione grinned at her two scheming lovers.

"I like the way you think," she said with an evil chuckle.

* * *

"Mission accomplished," Sirius said as he and Remus tumbled back through the floo in the kitchen as Hermione was preparing breakfast. Considering the weekend she had had, she had owled her office and asked for the week off. Fortunately, the wise young woman had never asked for time off, and her appreciative employer was only too happy to provide his most intelligent employee with _two_ full weeks off – with pay.

"Lucky the twins stayed at the Burrow last night," Remus said, brushing soot off his cloak. "I don't suppose you had much trouble moving Mrs. Black's portrait on your own?"

Hermione let a tiny smile appear on her face as she flipped the bacon in the pan.

"Not a bit of trouble. Though, my suggestion is not to go into the third floor bedroom anytime soon."

"Why not?" Sirius asked, grabbing a piece of toast from the plate beside the stove and vaulting up onto the counter before Hermione could swat his hand away.

Hermione couldn't help grinning.

"Well, it seems my assertion of your mother's sexual frustration wasn't entirely incorrect, so she wanted to make up for some lost time."

Sirius frowned.

"But my father's portrait isn't in the third floor bedroom."

Hermione smirked.

"Exactly."

Sirius paused before bursting into laughter. Hermione chuckled as Remus wrapped his arms around her waist, slightly confused.

"Whose portrait _is_ in the third floor bedroom?" he asked.

"Abraxas Malfoy," Hermione said, turning to face him with a smile.

Remus's eyebrows shot to his hairline.

"_Malfoy_?!"

Sirius chuckled.

"Once you go pureblood, you never go back."

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Blood purity has nothing to do with it," she assured Remus, kissing him lightly before turning back to the bacon.

Remus shot Sirius a victorious, slightly possessive smile, but the raven-haired animagus simply smirked.

"Sharing is caring, Moony."

Remus chuckled, kissing the top of Hermione's head before looking at his friend.

"As long as we don't have to share her with the Nargles."

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Hope you've enjoyed your foray into our minds. Please try to keep the hysterical screaming to a minimum as you exit the cerebral cortex._

_Souvenirs available in the medulla oblongata.  
_


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